How did I find out about body intelligence? For me, the route was music. I began playing the violin in first grade, and continued until I was eleven. I was a very tall girl, so by this age, I was playing a full-sized violin. I continued to grow, and the instrument remained small. I felt cramped. And the high E string irritated me, causing discomfort in my ear. I had a very "heavy" grip with the instrument, which suggested that I would do well on the viola. And so I did. The viola is still held on the shoulder like a violin, but it is slightly larger and plays lower notes. It was perfect. My heavy grip was nicely accommodated, my arms could stretch out in comfort, and I could continue my musical journey. I played viola in high school, and then went to college at the large conservatory at Indiana University in Bloomington. Home of the Hoosiers. (Note: I never went to a single sports game. Such is the musician's life.)
College was a wake-up call. In high school, I was a big fish in a little pond. Always the best. But when I hit college, that was no longer the case. I realized that there were flaws in the way I held the viola. My "heavy" hold was actually due to tension, a musician's worst enemy. Holding the instrument with tension in any part of the body can cause repetitive strain injuries like carpal tunnel syndrome or tendinitis. Poor "technique" also results in reduced dexterity, speed, and facility in playing. During my IU stint, I studied with a few teachers who all had significant input on teaching me how to "relearn" how to hold the instrument. I also took a body technique class with a woman who was experienced in kinesthetic modalities such as Alexander Technique, Feldenkrais and Pilates. This process of relearning viola technique allowed me to respect my body with an almost meditative reverence. Playing the viola became a kind of yoga. It was all terribly fascinating. No longer was my body a frustration. It became this work of art. A sculpture. A moving statue. My body contained lines and joints and ranges of motion. My imagination ran wild. Near the end of my time at IU, I cared less about the music I played, and more about my posture and how I held the instrument. I came to believe that the sound a musician made was less important than how he/she appeared on stage visually.
At one point, my awareness of my body was brutally skewed. As a child and young adult, I was always incredibly thin. But in January of 2009, I started taking a medication that made me gain 90 lbs. It was devastating. My body had completely changed. I turned into a different person. Only after 2.5 years did my psychiatrist "allow" me to get off this devastating medication. The weight stopped going up, but it remained nevertheless. In February of 2012, I made a commitment to lose weight. As I exercised, I began to learn more about my body once again. How it moves. Where it was weak. Where it was strong. When to rest. When to push. Listening to my body. And I changed what I ate, reducing my calories significantly. At first it was rough. But as I got used to my new diet, my stomach started to grow more intelligent. How many calories have I eaten? How much more should I eat? Should I have an apple or a carrot? The more I got to know my stomach, the more we got along. And the more we got along, the easier it became to lose weight.
I realize now that, as different parts of my body become more and more intelligent from exercise and diet, my brain can find respite from the incessant rumination endemic to mental illness. I always used to worry about what I looked like. What others think of me. Unsure if I looked ugly or unfashionable. But now, I have body intelligence. My body tells me if it is comfortable. If it is uncomfortable, I can "listen," and it intuitively tells me what it needs. Instead of thinking about being fat, I just think in the moment. Maybe I'm hungry. But do I want a banana? Do I want salmon? Do I want celery? A Luna bar? How much before I stop? My body tells me. Regarding ugliness and appearance, I could stand with better posture. That could speak volumes more than just simply changing clothes. This whole process of developing body intelligence also creates "mind intelligence." This term is cumbersome though, so we can just call it intuition. I think that if people had intelligent bodies, we would have greater intuition. And with intuition, we would all be less insecure. Because intelligent bodies and intuitive minds want to be comfortable. Balanced. They want to maintain homeostasis.
I want to tie this in to a topic specifically related to mental health: MEDICATION. We have both sides. Some people find medication to be beneficial and necessary to maintain mental health. Others find medication to be unnecessary and downright evil. In my opinion, there is a lot of confusion out there. People who are crippled with fears and delusions will read articles saying that schizophrenia recovery in third world countries is higher than in the first world, and they have less access to medications. A person who could benefit from medication will then adopt a strident attitude, all in the name of "freedom." But what is freedom?
I think one step towards freedom is developing body intelligence. Because an intelligent body doesn't only know how to exercise and eat and dress fashionably. It also knows how to "interpret" the medications we ingest. I'll share my observations. With a new medication, there may be noticeable adverse side effects, like weight gain. But instead of waiting for weight gain, you could potentially sense a difference in how food sits in your stomach after you eat. Or maybe your stomach starts feeling like a black hole, whereas before it felt like a pillow. I'm using "odd" terms to demonstrate that this body intelligence process can be an incredibly creative one. Medications can do the same thing. Maybe there is a new medication that causes you to feel "like a slug."
Of course, many will stop right there. Down with the pharmaceuticals! Down with prescriptions! It's quite easy to assume that a foreign substance in a body is an unwelcome one. But I beg to differ. Based on my personal experience, I find that medicine actually increases my ability to access my body intelligence and my intuition. Before finding the right medicines, I was crippled by schizophrenic delusions, tactile hallucinations, anxiety and depression. My intuition stood no match against the absolute convictions coming from my ailing brain. But once I got on better medications, my mind cleared. I was able to start exercising. And the more I exercised, the better the medications worked. And about a year and a half ago, I believe I truly found the exact balance of meds that now allow me to work at my 100% best. These medications do not diminish the quality of my life. They enhance it. I feel in control. I wake up, and I feel an excitement and a zest for life. I feel patient and tranquil. I feel excited and loving towards my friends. I feel sexual fulfillment because I am able to choose partners that I am fully attracted to, instead of "following the crowd" on what's attractive. And I feel motivated and ambitious in planning my future. Without medicine, attaining homeostasis was impossible for me.
I challenge all of you who are only on one side of the fence. Too often, we feel the need to choose one side or the other. This is natural. But do know that the mind is flexible. And the more flexible we make it, the healthier it becomes. Of course, I tend to analyze things into the ground. Discussions like these often exhaust my friends' brains. But for me, I am energized. Musings like this give me a passion for life. But if this article enervates you, then make an attempt to discover what energizes you. That will help you learn more about yourself, how your body works, how your mind works, and so forth. The goal of all this is to achieve overall wellness.
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